Some of the films from Body Shoppe featuring straight guys (supposedly marines) who jack off on camera can be interesting and even uplifting. This is not one of them. There are seven scenes in this one, and nine guys; none of whom could be called attractive.
First up is a guy with a mass of tattoos who undresses and proceeds to masturbate while an oriental chap chirps along in an unintelligible accent. (The sound is atrocious in this film, the guys are muffled so that when they speak it sounds like “merff moo mumm”. The only thing really audible is a woman squealing while being fucked on a stag film playing to inspire these unattractive guys to achieve an erection.)
There are two twosomes one of which follows. In both, the guys sit at opposite ends of the sofa with a pillow between them so that there is absolutely no danger of them accidentally touching one another. One of these guys is very thin and cute with a very long bent cock. A close-up reveals him to have acne all over his torso that diminishes the cuteness somewhat.
Another guy has a very big cock and seems to be mumbling something about loving blowjobs from women. (Poor boy doesn’t know that if one loves blowjobs the best ones are given by men. Those from women suck.) He is the epitome of a redneck, however, and would no doubt kill any guy who looked at him funny.
There is another longhorn in the group. The oriental gentleman uses both hands to jerk on this while the skinny lies back and lets him. Then longdick takes over to bring himself to climax. (I think.) It’s hard to tell if eight of these guys really do cum. I know some do not, but, if the others do, I can’t be certain as I didn’t have my microscope in order to see the ejaculate.
One of the guys is rather odd for a marine, or for a straight guy, as he has shaved his pubic hair. This is one of my favorite fetishes, but the camera is not positioned in order to show this properly. In fact, the camera work is lousy throughout staying basically in the same position for every scene. I thought the photographer was going to give this guy a blowjob, but he just kissed the dickhead. I like the shaved cock, too, but this guy is the least attractive of a bad lot.
To sum up: this was the slowest, most boring jackoff film I have ever seen. I put it on 4x speed for most of the DVD and it still seemed slow as Hell. The lighting is miserable with some of the scenes having an eerie red glow. The camera is static and adds to the interminable feeling of the scenes. There are no extras, only a chapter selection so you can jump directly to any of the scenes. But, for the life of me, I don’t know why anyone would want to repeat any part of this experience. I’ve watched gay porn for more years than some you have lived. I can’t remember any that was worse
Review from Adult DVD Talk
